


Bittersweet

by Rikerbabe



Series: Changes [2]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 06:19:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7088722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikerbabe/pseuds/Rikerbabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deanna's thoughts after losing her <i>Imzadi</i>.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [miloowen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miloowen/gifts), [Aussiefan70](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aussiefan70/gifts).



> The first of a few short pieces on Will's death....This came to me last night as I was trying to sleep....I hate it when my muse won't let me sleep!

Will's gone....my beloved Will.....

The ship is quiet, with the news of his death. I allow Jean-Luc to lead me back to Beverly's office and I try not to give in to the tears once again. Jean-Luc gives me a cup of tea and makes sure I drink some of it. My mind's numb, blank....the emptiness of Will's presence is like a wound that won't heal. A part of my soul is gone never to come back. Beverly comes into the office, wiping away tears. I know she said goodbye to him in private, to spare me further pain. But the pain is there, it will always be there.

I half hear the announcement of Will's death, my mind reeling at not hearing his voice....feeling his skin on mine as we make love.....all the emotions are crowding upon me. I can't take much more...this emptiness in my heart and soul. Why did this have to happen? Our plans and dreams are now gone.

The spark that was Will is silent....my mind is empty, blank. I barely hear Beverly make her note for his death certificate, as I'm trying to process his death still. I want to shake Beverly, demand to know why it didn't work, why it didn't save him. But she herself doesn't know why it failed. His body was too weak the illness far worse than anyone realized. Perhaps this is what happened with his mother, she was also too far gone to have the surgery.

After a few moments, I hand the now empty cup back to Jean-Luc and rise to my feet. They are alarmed that I am leaving Sickbay, worried about me. I shake my head and tell them that I am returning to my...our...quarters to rest. Beverly is concerned that I'm going alone, but I tell her that I'll be alright. She tells me that she'll stop by after her shift is over to check on me.

I make my way to Deck 8, the silence of the ship is deafening. The few I pass in the halls give me sympathetic glances, and I give them a sad smile. Reaching our...quarters, I go in and am struck by the silence in the room. I see his trombone on it's stand....the various other items that he had collected. I mentally prepared myself to start packing those things away in the morning. But the worst thing was I had to sleep alone. The tears came back to my eyes, and I held them back. Sleeping in that bed would prove to be the hardest thing I would have to face, not just tonight but every night. Instead, I would sleep on the couch and figure everything out later.

I pull out of a small trunk a bright red blanket that Will got me on our last trip to Earth. We had gone to San Francisco for various meetings and the place where we stayed got extremely cold at night. He bought the blanket and the memories of us being wrapped up in it came crushing back. The way he would make love to me not to keep me warm, but..just because. I lay it out on the couch and lower the lights to thirty percent. The tears are once again threatening to spill and for once, I give in to them. Curling up on the couch, I cry myself to sleep....the first of so many, many more nights.

 _Imzadi_.....


End file.
